To enjoy success, I must have happiness, and laughter will be the maiden who serves me. – Og Mandino
The New York Times reports that this is part of an actual transcript from a trial report from the Alameda, California DA’s office
Lawyer: Before You signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Pathologist: No.
Lawyer: Did you listen to the heart?
Pathologist: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
Pathologist: No.
Lawyer: So, when you signed the death certificate you weren’t sure he was dead, were you?
Pathologist: Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it’s possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.
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A Coloradan, a Californian, and a Texan were hiking in a forest when night fell. So they found an area, sat down, and made a campfire.
Later that night the Californian decided to show off. He took out a bottle of White Zinfandel, gulped it down, threw the bottle up and shot it. The Texan looked at him and said “Why’d you do that?” The Californian replied “Oh, don’t worry, we have more of that where I come from.”
So the Texan, not to be outdone, took out a bottle of whiskey, gulped it down, threw up the bottle and shot it. The Coloradan looked at him and said “Why’d you do that?” and the Texan replied “Oh, don’t worry, we have more of that where I come from.”
So the Coloradan, not to be outdone by both of them, took out a bottle of Scotch, gulped it down, threw it up and shot the Californian. The Texan looked at the Coloradan and said “Why’d you do that?” The Coloradan looked at him and replied “Oh, don’t worry, we have more of them where I come from.
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This man calls this house and a little boy answers. The little boy whispers “Hello.”
“Hello, is your Daddy home?”
The little boy whispers, “Yes.”
“Can I talk to him?”
The boy whispers, “No, he’s busy.”
The man asks, “Mommy home?” “Yes.”
“Can I talk to her?” He whispers back, “No, she’s busy.”
“Is there any other adults there?”
Still whispering, “Yes, a police man and a fireman.”
“Well, can I talk to one of them?” “No, they’re busy.”
Well, the man is just sitting there wondering what could be going on in that house so he asks “What are they doing to make them so busy?”
The little boy whispers back, “Looking for me.”
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I’m tired this morning. For several years, I’ve been blaming it on middle age, iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, water pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting, under-arm odor, and a dozen other maladies that make you wonder if life is really worth living.
But now I found out, it ain’t that. I’m tired because I’m overworked.
The population of this country is 200 Million. Eighty-four Million are retired. That leaves 116 Million to do the work. There are 75 Million in school, which leaves 41 Million to do the work. Of this total, there are 22 Million employed by the government. That leaves 19 Million to do the work.
Four Million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 Million to do the work. Take from that the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you’re sitting there reading this. No wonder I’m tired!
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There was a lady who was going to Disneyland.
Upon approaching the city she saw a sign that read ‘Disneyland Left’ so she turned around and went back home.
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The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
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I hope everybody will start the day with a smile. And for those who are sick, remember, LAUGHTER IS STILL THE BEST MEDICINE. It works! Try it.
(Jokes from http://www.fortunecity.com/lavendar/wildbunch/241/jokes.htm)
I found out that exercise doesn’t have to be a physical work-out or a heavy routine. There is an exercise which is very light yet keeps you fit and glowing all the time. It is called the LAUGHTER YOGA.
Well, that is if they will take your smile as a threat to their attitude.
